Hi friends! I always expect things to ramp up in September. The back-to-school mindset seems to stick with us even as adults. But wow! It has been a busy and eventful past few weeks.
Reflecting back, there are a lot of things I’m super excited to have showing up in my life — growing a female entrepreneur group I co-host with a friend, meeting some new people to collaborate with on projects that are close to my heart, and taking some time to re-connect with some long-distance friends on a week of vacation!
And there are some things I would have been fine with not showing up in my life last month, like some personal relationship issues and catching a nasty cold!
As a result of all the activity, there are also a few things I intended to get done in September that just didn’t happen. The over-achiever in me went into bargaining mode, trying to see how I could squeeze in the last little bit of productivity before the calendar flipped to October. I’m of the mindset that being highly goal-oriented is a great thing, but I also know that the rigidity to which I try to hold onto those goals can sometimes be unhealthy. My inner meal girl popped up with all kinds of negative self-talk about how I failed, how disappointing I am, how I let “everyone” (a.k.a. really only myself) down.
The other afternoon I was having a conversation with my brother about shutting up the inner critic. We all face it from time to time and need a few tools in our arsenal to tackle it when it pops up. Here are a couple strategies I use to quiet the negative self-talk, I’m interested to see if anyone else uses similar techniques.
Be Your Own Best Friend
Diane Von Furstenberg isn’t just a powerhouse of a fashion designer and the creator of the iconic wrap dress. She also coined this piece of self-love gold:
“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”
Well, duh! Of course that’s the case, right? It’s so obvious when you read it. But how many of us consistently speak to ourselves in a way that we could never allow someone else to? If my best friend started talking to me the way my inner meal girl talks to me, she wouldn’t be my friend for very long. I deliberately choose not to spend my time with people who attempt to tear me down, and I’m sure you do the same. So why do we tolerate this behavior from ourselves, towards ourselves when we have to be with ourselves literally 24 hours a day?
When I notice I’m beginning to treat myself harshly, one of the first things I’ll say to myself is “No one deserves to be talked to like that. I choose to be my own best friend rather than my own worst enemy.”
Make Offerings of Compassion
After deciding to befriend myself rather than berate myself, I need to change the script by replacing the negative self-talk with something more positive. Pep talk phrases like “You’re amazing!” don’t generally ring true for me when I’m coming out of a highly-critical place. It’s like emotional whiplash. Instead I like to give myself offerings of compassion:
“May you be loved. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have peace. May you be free.”
I often extend these offerings of compassion to others in my life during this exercise too. Recognizing that all living beings are inherently worthy of these things make me feel more connected to humanity and makes it easier to accept the compassion.
So tell me… Do you have an inner mean girl? What do you do when she rears her ugly head?
One thing I am super proud of accomplishing in September is getting my backyard garden in shape. After I put down 200 lbs. (!!!) of mulch, I had to put on this adorable thrifted boho skirt to take a twirl on my new garden path.
I was happy to pair it with an ivory tank I purchased from TJ Maxx a few years ago that I don’t wear very often. You can be sure this look will be on repeat this fall with some cute booties and a slouchy sweater!
Total Cost $56
Thanks to S.J. at allglamnofilter.com for the beautiful photography in this post.